Do you ever have those rare moments in life where you look around and have absolutely no idea what to do?

I thought it was going to be so simple. That should've been my first clue that the evening was going to end in flames. Literally. My fear was misplaced towards the piano. It was the family piano I had played since I was seven. After years of pleading, I finally got to take it home. I gathered a posse of friends, my dad cut a hole in the front deck, backed the truck up and we lifted the piano through without drama. Hours after we began, the piano was safely in my new apartment and I was headed back to Duncanville.

The posse headed to my sister's house for pizza, ice-cream and celebration. It was 11:00pm, I was driving from my sister's when my relatively new car refused to kick out of first gear on an incline in the middle of an intersection. So I floored it. It managed to crest the hill and rolled down billowing smoke. I turned into a Wendy's popped the hood and to my horror, discovered fire. This was no small flame in some little corner, but huge ones, licking at the engine and closing in on the transmission.

Thankfully, I had a gallon of water left over from a camping trip still in my trunk so I doused that thing and managed to put it out.

Jason and the possee came to the rescue. In a twist of irony, I had called my sister and everyone ran out of the apartment leaving her oven on. She went back to turn it off lest we have a second fire on our hands ;-]. The car still ran in first gear so Jason and the posse followed me as I crawled towards home. I was only about a mile or so away. Unfortunately, I forgot that there was another hill standing between me and home and the car just couldn't take it. Rolling backwards, Jason had to move from behind me quickly - we were in another intersection so he and Seth and Nick, tried to push my car but it was too heavy and the incline was too steep. After it almost roll backward over them, they jumped aside just as a jeep pulled up behind me and I rolled back into it. Almost as a matter of convenience (I was in his way) he pushed me forward over the hill into a parking lot.

So there sits my car, as I type. Burned, alone, broken waiting for me to come and get it. The transmission shop isn't sure they can help. And here I sit, alone, broke, and haunted by the question: what the heck do I do now?

When things are slow here, it often means my life it busy.

Here are some thoughts from my recent reading in Acts 2 & 3:

- Peter denied Christ three times and here he is converting thousands and healing a lame man. What an astonishing picture of grace.

- In 2:42 it says they were continually devoting themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Reading this was like looking at a picture of food and realizing I was hungry. I long for a group continually devoting themselves to teaching, fellowship, the breaking of bread and prayer. That group is supposed to be the church but a scene like this is hard to find, even in a city like Dallas, with churches everywhere.

- It's no wonder, with such a life mentioned above, that everyone kept feeling a sense of awe (v.43). I meet many people searching for the awe (indeed, I search for it) but we are not people of such devotion and attempting to disect awe from devotion has left us with neither.

- Anytime I can read a sermon straight from the Bible, I get excited. Acts has lots of sermons. Makes me wish that I was a preacher :-]

Keep the faith.

p.s. Did you know that, before the fish, an anchor was the traditional symbol of Christendom? That makes sense considering Hebrews 6:19. I hope it comes back into style :-]

I don't have any profound thoughts for anyone.

I was sitting on a bench eating lunch with a friend and I looked up to see the President of DTS standing by a window looking out. Our eyes locked and I didn't want to be rude so I smiled and He waved and I waved back and it was a little awkward. My friend asked if I knew him to which I responded that once, right after his knee surgery while he was using a cane, I almost ran him over as he exited a building, :-/

Normality, wherefore art thou?

Maybe Saturday and Sunday will spark some profound thought in me. Its possible that the paint fumes from the walls of my cinder block have hindered the firing of my neurons (they patched some spots on my wall today).

have a good weekend.

story time

Last night I was watching wheel of fortune during a thunderstorm when my brain began to separate the mass of audible input into 1)television, 2) storm and 3)strange noises being emmitted NOT from the television. I followed my ears to my fireplace. Now, my fireplace is broken and is enclosed by two heavy orange glass-paned doors which not been opened for almost a year.

The noises began to escalate into freakish shrills, scrapping, and screaching. I KNEW that something was inside of my fireplace, not simply my chimney, but on the other side of those crusted doors through which I could not see. I called Jason, because the shrieking was weirding me out and I didn't want to face alone whatever was in there. I could've swore that a bat and a cat were fighting some epic battle to determine the fate of the animal universe.

When Jason arrived roughly 40 minutes later, the sounds had almost ceased. Almost. There was definite movement and slight, barely audible whinning. With gloves and courage, I slowely opened the door. At the first sight of a fuzzy body, I jumped up "It's a bat!" I moved hastily away from the small opening so Jason could peer in. "No, it's a raccoon!" With that, I returned to open the door further and discovered, not one, not two, but THREE baby raccons in my fireplace! They were SO cute and furry and didn't have their eyes open. It didn't take long for me to wonder if the mother had actually given birth to them in there the hour before. There is a tree branch hanging directly over my chimney, she could have fallen in, or purposefully climbed in (raccoons are great climbers) to escape the storm.

I faced a dilemma. It was after hours for animal control, I didn't want to put them back in the fireplace but I wanted them to live. My backyard has an opening to neighborhood dogs roaming around (I didn't want the cuties to end up as canine supper). Finally, Jason moved a heavily wooded door to block the opening barring the dogs and I left the babies in a box on my back porch, hoping that, come morning, the mother would have returned and taken them away.

And guess what! She did! The box was overturned in the morning and they were gone. Considering that they were too feable to move last night and considering that their dead carcasas were not laying anywhere near by, I feel confident that the mother returned and that they will survive.

Just another day in the raccoon rescueing life of sarah jo and jason.

notes from the cinder block

I visited Christina at home Saturday and praised God as she moved gingerly from bed to couch to the breakfast nook. Her mother and brother brought back pictures of the truck that pulled out in front of her. Hitting it at 50+ mph, she practically ripped the bed from the cab. After spinning around in a scrambled experience of sensory overload, she tumbled out of the truck and lay there gasping for only a few minutes before the paramedics came and took her to the hospital. As she told me the awful story I agreed with her humble thankfulness and incredible astonishment at her relative okayness.

Sara and I have a place to live. I should sign the lease today. The call came shortly before I left for Christina's. The pretty little place with hardwood floors only a mile or two from where we will each work/study will be ours. Her shriek of excitement mirrored my own relief as the tension flowed away and anticipation replaced it.

Soccer proved a painful outlet for the emotions of my friday and I was happy to channel all the intensity on the inside to the outside of my foot. By the end of an hour, both legs were scrapped and bruised and I had earned the nickname - Wall of China (for my defense). It felt good.

Most of my Sunday was spent fingers flying through thread and fabric as I finally finished the re-upholstering of my parlor chair. My mind flew along too, with a myriad of thoughts I'm still sorting out.

I hurt and was comforted; I sinned and was forgiven; I failed and was given more chances; I lived another weekend and was giving another day. Here I sit in my cinder block, the notes of life plastered on my heart.

I read Psalm 111 last night about how our God is good and compassionate and I was overcome with thankfulness that the character of our Creator was as such instead of a myriad of awful alternatives. I'm particularly thankful for His goodness when hard decisions, sadness, and pain are part of my life in spades. I'm a little tired at the moment and think that perhaps I need a good cry.

My brother called me earlier this week and asked me to come to California and be there for his "marriage". The civil ceremony will be in August and though I had been wrestling with this question for a long time, I didn't think the line would be drawn so soon. Since the non-judicial ceremony will be next year, I was hoping to have more time. But suddenly, there it was and by the grace of God I had to answer.

In the middle of this week, I went to my parents home to help them pack and walked away with two boxes of all the precious family heirlooms. As my mother walked me through these items and their meaning in history, as she pulled out her wedding dress and I actually put it on for the first time, I felt as though I was boxing up their identity and taking it away. Its meaningful for them to have a child who is willing to take and preserve the family heritage. But I feel as if its too much meaning too soon. How do I honor and perserve that heritage? What does it mean to pack up and keep the small jewlrey dish my great great Aunt brought over from Ireland? I'm stepping into their role but how do I fill it?

The end of the week (today) Christina was in a car accident and I don't know how bad it was (her short phone call from the hospital was, understandably, short on details) and I don't know how badly she's hurt and I don't know how to help. I know how to help with weddings, not car accidents.

And so I remember Psalm 111: my God is good and compassionate and just as I'm sure hard decisions, sadness, and pain will come and go, I'm sure that His goodness will never change.

heaven

I was asked today if I thought technology would be in heaven. I agree with the idea that man reflects the image and glory of God by creating, just as God created. But {besides viewing technology as processing and not creating} I think that heaven, in its perfection, will be so vastly different from earth that our terms cannot be used to describe it. Perhaps there will be technology in heaven, but what we call "technology" there will blow out of the water what we call "technology" here, so much so that the word would barely be applicable to both. I can't help but think this of many things: what will be music in heaven will sparesly resemble what we deem music on earth; love in heaven will so outshine love on earth that we may be embarrased that we even called it love.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly.."

Anatomy of a Christian

When you read through an entire book in one setting, its amazing what will stand out to you. Colossians chapter 3 stood out to me recently as a picture of a Christian and his/her relation to Christ, relation to their old self and relation to others.

v.1-4 In relation to Christ: He is our life. We died with Christ and have been raised with Christ. It follows logically that our thoughts and focus will be on things above (v.1 & 2) where Christ, who is our life, is seated at the right hand of God. I often stumble when, forgetting where my life is, my thoughts follow suit downward, to myself.

v.5-12 In relation to our old self: "consider our earthly desires as dead." It's a matter of identity - if you were to change teams from the Lakers to the Spurs, you would "put on" the Spurs jersey; you would be clothed differently. "Lay aside the old self", "Put on the new self","Put on a heart of compassion, kindness..." etc. If you were to change positions from a defensive lineman to an offensive lineman, you would train differently and you would run different plays. "Put them all aside, anger, wrath, malice...", "in them you also once walked [past tense]" but that's not who you are anymore.

v. 10 particularly struck me: "and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him." The only way we can understand our new identity is with a knowledge of the One we mirror. Because our new self is in the image of our Creator, by knowing our Creator more, we know more what our new self looks like.

v. 13-17 In relation to others in general (the Body): forgive one another as Christ forgave you, love as the bond of unity, and be thankful (its mentioned three times in a row).

v. 18-25 In relation to others specifically (husbands, wives, children, parents, authority, bosses, servants, and leaders): love, obey, submit, and do not exasperate people; act with a sincere heart to please God and not men.

Basically, the whole chapter is brilliant. Often times when I stumble in my walk, its because I've forgotten who I am. I have forgotten my life (Christ). I'm so glad the Bible isn't a mass of idioms or gray areas; I'm glad it is always relevant.

Romans 5:8

While I was still a sinner, degenerate, and an enemy of God, He died for me, because He loved me. Can I do less for those who sin around me?

Colossians 2:2-3

That their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God's mystery, that is, Christ Himself, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Paul's desire for the church was that their hearts be knit by love, encouraged. When we understand truth doubt leaves and we are full of assurance, peace. In knowing Christ we find all the treasures of wisdom and knowing.

Do I truely know Christ and do others know Christ in me? Is my desire that the hearts around me be knit together in love, encouraged? I let the world make me into a harsher person than I am.