Texas (I think)

Monday morning commute

Matthew was kind enough to drive me to work on Monday. Practically speaking, it is always better for a Midwesterner to drive over a Texan on such roads. I'm glad I married cross-culturally ;) Logistically, it also made sense. We have one car with front-wheel drive and four new tires. So he dropped me off and headed to work. Traffic was so slow I spent a total of 6.5 hours in the car on Monday and he spent over 8 hours. Tiring day.

The weekend was an icy blockade. But my sister was a block over and we had an impromptu dinner party and game time with our next door neighbors. When I went to invite them over, I bit it on their stairs and have a nice bruise on my ankle and wrist.

All in all - the whiteness was by turns peaceful and annoying. I'll be happy to get back to normal. But I would also welcome another frigid front: if only for the promise of softly falling flakes.

Goodbye

Matthew met Nina shortly after she was born and poured into her the effort naturally required of a puppy. With such goodness as he had faith in her, she repaid him for 15 years. Faithful, joyful, obedient and unconditionally loving.

We had to say goodbye to her last Saturday. It was time and it was right. She was old and in pain and dying anyway.  But is was difficult, hard, sad, and sucky.

Everywhere there are still reminders of her (as if we needed material evidence that we miss her deeply) - her food, her hair, her smell, even her poop. But we are grateful, especially me, who never met a better dog and didn't even like dogs until Nina convinced me they were awesome.

I'll close with a fitting exerpt from C.S. Lewis' book the Problem of Pain:

"Another type is the love of a man for a beast - a relation constantly used in Scripture to symbolize the relation between God and men; 'we are his people and the sheep of his pasture'. This is in some ways a better analogy than the preceding [artist & art], because the inferior party is sentient, and yet unmistakably inferior: but it is less good in so far as man has not made the beast and does not fully understand it. Its great merit lies in the fact that the association of (say) man and dog is primarily for the man's sake: he tames the dog primarily that he may love it, not that he may serve it. Yet at the same time, the dog's interests are not sacrificed to the man's. The one end (that he may love it) cannot be fully attained unless it also, in its fashion, loves him, nor can it serve him unless he, in a different fashion, serves it. Now just because the dog is by human standards one of the 'best' of irrational creatures, with that degree and kind of love which is proper to such an object, and not with silly anthropomorphic exaggerations - man interferes with the dog and makes it more lovable than it was in mere nature. In its state of nature it has a smell, and habits, which frustrate man's love: he washes it, house-trains it, teaches it not to steal, and is so enabled to love it completely. To the puppy the whole proceeding would seem, if it were a theologian, to cast grave doubts on the 'goodness' of man: but the full-grown and full-trained dog, larger, healthier, and longer-lived than the wild dog, and admitted, as it were by Grace, to a whole world of affections, loyalties, interests, and comforts entirely beyond its animal destiny, would have no such doubts. It will be noted that the man (I am speaking throughout of the good man) takes all these pains with the dog, and gives all these pains to the dog, only because it is an animal high in the scale - because it is so nearly lovable that it is worth his while to make it fully lovable. He does not house-train the earwig or give baths to centipedes. We may wish, indeed, that we were of so little account to God that He left us alone to follow our natural impulses - that He would give over trying to train us into something so unlike our natural selves; but once again, we are asking not for more love, but for less."

Silliness

We had three days of really cold weather, including a hard freeze. So we rushed to cover our fall tomatoes and protect the tender blooms of my rose bushes from the biting wind. I believe we were successful and they survived to see this week of temperatures in the lower 80's. If you can imagine a wry tone in my voice, please do. It's silly to have a hard freeze in the middle of such mild weather.

 

However, I did find a silver linning to the short-lived cold spell: the chance to eat as many carbs as possible including a perennial favorite: homemade pot pie. It tasted every bit as good as you can imagine.

Also - yes, that is my broken pie pan. But it's still functional as long as you take care. Once, a large piece of crystal fell onto the pie pan from a top cabinet shelf. The crystal was unscathed. From that moment, I gave away all my crystal. To me, it is destructive to dishes that are both pretty and functional - like my red pie pan. Thus, I remain on non-speaking terms with crystal, whereas my intimacy with pot pie increases daily.

 

 

have friends, will travel

There's a group of girls I've been calling my friends for over half a decade. It started with a Bible Study but that isn't where it stopped. My favorite thing about this group is that we have real fun outside of our study times. We don't just describe our lives to each other, we experience it together.

[Please don't say that we "do life" because that phrase is disturbing - beyond the grammatical crime - because what if you don't 'do life' does that mean you're doing death? That phrase is a lazy man's way of saying nothing while trying to sound profound. End tirade.]

In March, for our [almost] annual trip, we went to Baltimore to visit bible study member and my former roomie Sara P. You may know that she went there for a brief educational hiatus. Here are some long overdue pictures from the trip - all compliments of Gaela Renee (pic hacking on fb is a forgivable offense, I'm told :p)

frame worthy



I love this girl!

nightime walking tour of Baltimore

Gaela is a great photographer :D

  I'm trying to convince them to sail around the bahamas in 2015, but we'll see how that goes.

Bouquets of victory

A sweet view at the Dallas Arboretum

Deut. 11:22-23 For if you are careful to keep all this commandment which I am commanding you to do, to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him, then the Lord will drive out all these nations from before you, and you will dispossess nations greater and mightier than you.

I don't know where I get this crazy idea that if I obey God I'm in for a bunch of trials. I know trials are inevitable but as the constant theme of my life? Where is the conviction that obeying God brings victory?

God has been giving me sweet little things over the last few months. Like a spiritual bouquet of flowers to remind me that I'm not forgotten. Desires of my heart, though unspoken, are still known by Him and often met preemptively.

Let me be specific. After the heyday of the summer months, I was so relieved to settle down that I never consciously asked 'why'. Why didn't we get the farm? Why are we still in Dallas? I became aware of the question deep inside because of God's attention to it.

Across a table of cappuchino and breakfast tacos, under a bright saturday morning sky, I chatted it up with a friend at one of the coolest restaurants in Oak Cliff. Her family is crazy. No really. And I felt that I understood her thoughts and emotions in a way someone with a normal family could never comprehend. Little things like applying for college. I think my brother helped me do it. Her help was a sister. We stumbled out into the world completely clueless, having been reared in an unstable sequester then dumped into adulthood with serious questions about our worth and identity. How did we not end up in a drug rehab center? And where the heck were our parents during these times? Our coming of age was hazy and miraculous. Our friendship a strange joy.

Under perfect lighting, with soft piano music drifting from the baby grand, I ate a bacon wrapped hor devour and studied a painting of human shapes: instead of being obscured by shadow they were brightened to outlines. The back of a head and shoulder were in the foreground, the right shoulder brushed with a bold stroke of red. The point was that we see dimly now - but not always - and the picture is ever coming into sharper focus. My former co-worker helped curate this art show - building an impressive bridge between the world of art and the world of theology. This was the opening night of the exhibit and I was so proud of her that my eyes teared up. Seriously - you can't imagine how hard it is to get legit art from Christians. I hadn't really seen her all summer. Our reconnection was a gift.

A good friend, former roommate, and the first person in my life to ever meet my husband (the same day I met him) just moved back into town. Seeing her was like eating chocolate perfectly sweetened. I couldn't get enough. And then someone at church tells me how glad she is that I didn't move away. When my brother comes into town, its still logistically possible for my whole family to spend the day together. My husband can still ride the bike trails with his best friend on Sunday afternoons.

And finally, there is the job I love. I asked for it and God answered my request. I have a friend here who asks me questions about deities and morality as we take long walks after work into the setting sun.

It matters little whether the answer is 'you're here so you could be there for others' or 'you're here so others could be there for you'. Entwined as to be barely distinguishable, the result is the same: God is stacking up little victories for me. Maybe trails were the theme this summer - I'm hard pressed to deny that  - but there's a change in the air and I'm so ready for it.

Update

The fishing trip was great. These little guys are some of the best company a gal can have and we get together far too infrequently. The weather was beautiful, it was fun to see little boys learning to cast, and Matt actually caught a catfish (though he threw it back).  Since I missed summer (it passed me by while I was mired in family drama) it was healing to do something so summer-ish.

Update

My nephew Torin and I enjoying summer time activities.

Hello,

Here I am. After three weeks, matt and I are almost unpacked. Curtains and pictures are half-up. Some caulking remains. A quarter of the flower beds are planted. No files are in the cabinet. The clothesline is functional. We hosted our first friends for lunch yesterday.

 

We've met seven neighbors and have already been in two of their homes. We officially love our neighborhood. If this impressive display of community was not enough, there is the unmatched perk of living one (count 'em: ONE) block away from my sister and her family.

 

After a month or so of searching, I was given a full-time job in a field partly related to my past experience as a secretary but different enough to be quite stretching. I'm a data entry analyst for a major private university. So far, I really like my job. But the details are intricate, long, and I think I can feel my brain expanding as I type! I am incredibly thankful for my job. It's a transition to get used to a long (and truely awful) commute and being absent from my home for 10 hours a day. Hopefully, my zinnias will bloom and I'll receive a perky and colorful welcome home each day.

 

I still don't feel settled but since I'm not sure when it will come I'm not waiting for it :] Every day we get more and more content with the farm prospect falling through. To fight God's timing is a really terrible idea so we succumb.

 

Here's an encouraging thought: God gives everyone life and breath and everything else. He marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any of us. Acts. 17: 25, 28.

Enough

We are moved (but not unpacked) into our new house and have no internet - this explains the infrequent updating. Here's what I've been learning/struggling with lately. It turns out 'learning' and 'struggle' are actually synonyms :]

What does God want me to do? Is it enough that I work to encourage the saints? My sphere is full only of Christians. Is it enough that I am simply obedient - that God equips and makes me able only to do small things like hug and smile and listen? Only God can give me joy and patience - so I must be capable of these things only by His Spirit. Without Him, I could not do even the small things.

Matthew 10:24-25 A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a slave above his master. It is enough for the disciple that he become like his teacher and the slave like his master.

It is good to stop and be sure - to check - that my energies are not misspent making myself at ease in this world. But am I capable of judging whether my efforts have eternal weight? I look over small things - but if God gives them glory I should be content. I question whether my life is worthy of the calling of the gospel I've received. Then I read the context of that verse (Eph. 4) and see the calling described in small everyday humble expressions like gentleness and realize my definition of worthiness is askew.

 Ephesians 4:1-3 Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Why is unity so important? Two reasons: 1) there is one God and 2) there are different gifts.

Ephesians 4:5-7,11 One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all, But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift. v.11 And He gave some as apostles and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers.

God wants us to be full of differences but work together to reflect His oneness and the unity which defines the Godhead. When we don't treat differences with humility, gentleness, and patience, we scorn the design of God.

It is enough to promote unity through love. This IS worthy action of our calling: v.12 "for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ." The end goal is of weight eternally - it is making us into heavenly creatures; slaves becoming like our master, disciples like our teacher. Eph. 4:13 " Until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ."

This unity in different gifts, making us into heavenly creatures becoming like Christ, is a mark of a 'growing-up'.

 Ephesians 4:14-16 As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what ever joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in LOVE.

It's time to be a grown-up.

Date night

It was a Sunday. My husband took me to the Ft. Worth Botanical Gardens for classical music and a picnic. That morning, I played a piano piece in church. Playing is a nerve-wracking experience and I force myself to do it because I feel responsible for the gifts God gave me. I have to use them even if they aren't perfect. In fact, it is humbling to be transparent with my faulty gifts - but I'm called to be a city on a hill not a lamp under a bush. God is in charge of the light, I'm simply supposed to stand instead of crouch. Earlier in the week, the heartbreak had come. And so it was providence that the song I practised all week in preparation was Be Still My Soul. God knew I would need to hear it over and over that week for its truth to settle me. So I played it that week and I played it that morning. 

As Matt and I sat under the fading light and listened to various excerpts from Beethoven and Vivaldi's four season, the conductor threw in Jean Sibelius' Finlandia.  I invite you to pop open a side window and listen to it (if you're impatient, forward to minute 4.5). The beginning drums of dark anticipation, then moves into the sound of heartbreak. Halfway through it surprises you with a brightness; an inspirational charge to move forward resolved and confident and daringly joyful. But what shocked me most came just as the song tips past mid-point. The melody for Be Still My Soul. Apparently, it was taken from Finlandia. So imagine me sitting there, as the light faded, hearing the same notes I played that morning in worship to God, hearing the same notes He had soothed me with all week. It was as if, in the middle of this gorgeous piece of music, God had put a hidden message to me. The notes are repeated again in stunning epic fanfare at the end of the song. And then we see this: light in the darkness.  

Heartbreak

Two weeks ago, I stood during sharing time at church and choked out some words. A warm motley crew filled the small wooden structure - a people so honest that my brokenness was not out of place. As Foster expresses in his book Celebrations, we learn and live "the necessity of bringing spiritual realities into the press of raw humanity."

I told them my father is going to prison. And I am heart-broken.

Afterwards, a friend approached me about lunch. I talk regularly with her but always within the pew. In my desperation, I was bolder than normal. We agreed to meet for lunch during the week.

Sitting in a wooden booth between slices of sandwich, we traced our lives discovering arcs so similar as to leave us in astonishment. Two hours of conversation about pain and numbness, lost childhoods, anger and fear, running (always running) and questions about the reality of Jesus.

Our words curved through time, to past and present and past again, and somehow truth about who God is and the way things are on earth came flowing. Truth heals and it startled me to realize if I was silent, she may not have heard about a God that always runs after us; a God who always ran after me, one whose life is so parallel to her own.

People struggle with sin and it breaks them just as it breaks us. But praise be to Christ that our brokenness can be someone else's healing. 

Revelation 1:5 "To Him who loves us and released us from our sins by His blood." And the sins of our fathers.

Flora Dora

This is an honest post.

The rose on the left is called Flora Dora.

Would you hurl if I stated once again that I can't wait to have my own yard so I can plant my own flowers?

July marks the third month in house-transition and the fourth month in job-transition. Traditionally, July is also one of two infamous months in the year when I am startlingly restless. Our current situation is exacerbating.

I'm also struggling with a lot of anger toward my parents and a heightened sense of 'just leave me alone' toward my family, coupled with the 'I want to get away' feeling (away as in: a mountainous glacial paradise - which is, if you know Texas - torturous). Needless to say, grumpiness and discontent are haunting me.

Flora Dora helps.

update

Things happening in my neck of the woods: we moved again to house-sit for two months. Our new neighbourhood is quiet and lovely to walk. It's hard to see so many pretty flowers that I'm not allowed to touch. One day, when I have my own yard, it will hold a profusion of blooms with a sign "please pick" so those who walk by can take a flower to brighten their day. I think flowers ought to be shared more readily - every time I go to a public park, I try to pick a couple and my husband wonders if its illegal. How sad! I'm sure I pay taxes for it. I know if everyone picked a bloom there may not be any left, but not everyone wants a bloom and if people pick in moderation then we can all be happy. I'm sure it says something about our culture and personality and everything wrong with humanity that I can't pick flowers at a public park. 

I'm done with the tirade. My in-laws have been visiting for about a week and its been low-key and wonderful. Yesterday, we visited the Arboretum where I snapped a picture of this hydrangea (one of my favorite flowers!). Wednesday, the temperature is supposed to break 100 degrees. They've decided it would be a good time to head northward toward home. Smart in-laws.

Hubby has been under the weather. There's a luscious garden in the half acre of the house we're sitting but vine borers got to the squash. Those ^%&#&#! I managed to harvest enough zucchini for four loaves of zucchini bread. I suppose that's my consolation prize. But I would've loved a couple more months of fresh squash and onions pulled from the dirt moments before sautéed in butter. I'm salivating. It's cruel.

 

I have a hot weather tip for you. Toss a handful of this Cosmos Cutesy Mix and let your yard turn into a prairie of wild flowers: beautiful and functional for getting out of unpleasant torturous tasks like summer mowing.

Weekend on 6th street

I sit here and try to write about something for which I have no words.

I could show you a picture of 6th street but chances are you've already seen one. I could describe rubble upon rubble but chances are you wouldn't understand any more than I do. I expected it to be like mississippi in 2005. But debris piles alone are impersonal. On 6th street, I saw faces in the rubble: people whose belongings I sifted through, vacant stares of those waving away help, and tearful pleas to stave off the bulldozers (as if I could). I didn't anticipate so many conversations with faces in the midst of ruined lives.

I confess I was all business as I recorded data on my clipboard, directed volunteers, marked my map with discovered street names, listed tools (chainsaws needed, check). A coping mechanism, I suppose, as frail as those I saw: faces clinging to half-twisted things as if they were a precious jewel or a lost limb. Do we humans define ourselves so readily, so errantly? The longer I looked, the less I could deny. Though secretly, I resolved to make a life impervious to such destruction, my constructs are just as these: vulnerable to the broken world of which I am made.

But are we not immortal beings? Am I not reborn of materials such as spirit and soul, no longer made only of brokenness and dirt? The longer I looked, the less I was confident. I give myself to the world's seduction more completely than I ought. I need some salvation still.

The end of all things will be rubble except for our souls.

Upheaval

Upheaval summarizes the past two months of my life. I come to post and struggle to put everything into words. Overwhelmed I clam up. So I'm starting small: for nine months I tried to be our savior (in essence) striving through misery and mire to obtain for myself a goal. In the end, it all crumbled at my feet. I lost my job, we have to move from our home, etc. And yet, the goal for which I so earnestly strove has also landed at our feet. Not by our own hand but by the (obvious) hand of Providence. There was a lighting bolt moment when we realized "Oh! We already have a Savior." He did the saving. And I'm ashamed I tried so hard to do it.

We're moving everything into storage because we have not a place to live. But we have confidence it will come. I know this much: in two months I will be surrounded by wildflowers and I can't wait! :}

Living trust

Deuteronomy 6:5 "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might."

Deuteronomy 6:18-19 "You shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may be well with you and that you may go in and possess the good land which the Lord swore to give your fathers, by driving out all your enemies from before you, as the Lord has spoken."

Deuteronomy 6:24 "So the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God for our good always and for our survival as it is today."

If you read the whole chapter of 6 and 7, a clear priority is set forth and a cause and effect given. The people were to focus on doing what was good and right (following God's laws) and NOT focus on providing for themselves or procuring the good land or bringing about the promise. God would do that for them. Much more than a simple priority of righteousness over self-provision, God tells them provision will come as a result of righteousness.

So if you're seeking the 'land', stop. Seek God instead. If you seek God with all your might, there won't be any might left over to get yourself the 'land'. God will have to provide it. This is a living way of trust and submission.

adventures with friends

I've known these ladies for almost 5 years (!). And somehow, we always end up on the water together :]

I had an amazing group of girlfriends in college. The depth of our friendships were aided by the constant contact that characterized dorm/class life. I was blessed to transition out of that environment via a neighborhood in Mississippi where my new friends lived down the block and a walk through the neighborhood meant a hello and hang-out time with those who knew me. Now, in Dallas, I see these ladies once a week. Twice if I'm lucky. But I've come recently to realize that this difference in contact doesn't matter now. Enough time has passed and conversations and experiences to build up the level of depth I had in college and then mississippi. The spatial barrier has been climbed. I am there. And I'm glad to have realized it because now I can stop yearning for the community I miss and enjoy what I have - the same function in different form. Of course, I'll always miss my other friends and constantly attend to those binding ties. But I'm glad to have friends here, now, of the same calibur as then. And I hope that remains true of everywhere I go.

Up(down)date

My husband poked around here the other day and announced "well, nothing new in the life of sarah jo." It would seem that way wouldn't it? But just the opposite is true. When much is going on, I tend toward less thinking and consequently less sharing/posting.

 

I'm wrapping up a job with my church that I've enjoyed but can no longer juggle. Saying goodbye to this role is bittersweet. Yet, excitement fills me when I think of all the new possibilities of serving this little community I love.

 

I welcomed February hesitantly. As my birthday month, it always seems dark and dreary with downcast weather and dashed hopes for trancendant birthday experiences along with a re-evaluation of my life which typically include struggles for 1. contentment and 2.joy despite disallusions (this struggle seems to grow with age).

 

Our household has been fighting sickness and an impending move hangs gloomily over our heads.

 

I also admit to tuning into this cast of characters (with the majority of the world) and waiting with batted breath for the next wonderful/awful development. But they make me smile and February seriously needs more smiles (in lei of sunshine or flowers). So there is my update. There is some 'new' coming and much 'new' hoped for but since nothing is actually new, I try to keep smiling.

The Bride and the Groom

It seems the popular thing to do these days is to accept Christ but reject the church. On Christian blogs (with large followings), her weaknesses are touted, her name dragged through the mud and rarely is there an encouraging word for her or an exhortation for us to help her.

Do we honestly think Christ is the kind of groom who doesn't mind His bride getting bashed?

Yes, she has many faults. But Christ says he has taken it upon Himself the responsibility of presenting her perfect one day to His Father. Perhaps, then, we ought to do more to build her up, especially knowing her glorious end.

blooming

I love flowers. I finally decided to try my hand at growing some - so I ordered a bunch of bulbs on a whim. Matt has indulged me by picking up some books on the subject.

In January, my Amaryllis bloomed. Currently, it is in it's second set of flowers and measures almost 3 feet tall. I set the pot on the floor and the flowers come up almost to my waist - incredible!

I've also planted Narcissus, tulips, and hyacinth. My hyacinth is already blooming and I'm so excited. Even though the growing process has taken more patience than I'm typically willing to give (my sewing endeavor was a massive failure partially for this reason), I've stuck with it and nothing has died and the results are so inspiring. I really need the beauty to remind me of goodness in the middle of dreary winter.

books

I've just finished reading these two books. The first one is sort of interesting but a little slow on the story-telling anecdotal side and a bit confusing on the philosophical side.

The second one is well-written and interesting to those who like scientific experiments, statistics, and their possible sociological implications (which I do). Those who are artistic or who always thought they might be, would probably also like the book.

It's good to be reading again.

When I was young (nostalgia series)

When I was young, I crawled in drainage pipes.

You could enter the system by the pond where the drainage opening was big enough to hold a car. Quickly, though, the pipes narrowed until a human could barely squeeze through. We would follow the labyrinth under the streets and parking lots of our university -- try to scare people by calling out through the drainage slots in the road. Eventually, we made our way under the city street popping up through a manhole in the parking lot of popular bbq joint. It was great fun :]

Our code word for this dank, stinky, filthy place was Australia, because it was 'down under'. Going to Australia was a rite of passage. It was actually best to go right after a torrential rain, because that cleared out the system. But my first trip didn't have that timing, so we ran a muck of foul smelling small animals decaying in piles of trash.

For all of its actual awfulness, Australia was pretty cool. 

winter eats

I love recipes where chunks of stuff are thrown into a crockpot the night before and magically turn into hearty stews. I tweak this in a significant way: more bacon. How a recipe can constrain itself to only 3 strips of bacon is beyond me. Fry up the whole pig! Yummy! I didn't have any carrots last night so I just left them out. I also didn't have tomato paste so I put a couple spoonfuls of pasta sauce. Why not, right? By the time I woke up this morning - everything had melded into a sumptuous, bacon-smelling, delight of a meal.

1 large onion, chopped

3 strips (3 ounces) bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces

3 medium carrots, peeled, halved lengthwise, and cut into 1/4-inch half-moons

3 garlic cloves, minced

2 tablespoons tomato paste

1 1/2 cups lentils, picked over and rinsed

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

2 cans (14 1/2 ounces each) reduced-sodium chicken broth (3 1/2 cups)

1 tablespoon red-wine vinegar

Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper

 

http://www.marthastewart.com/341776/lentil-soup

seasons of doubt and fear

I would dare to say everyone goes through seasons of doubt and fear in their life and in their walk with God. To share this can be scary and painful but courageous and encouraging to those around. Yet, the Bible shows us that confidence is one of the perks of knowing God and in this world of seemingly endless transition, confusion, and inconstancy, to say of anything that you are confident, is monumental.

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

"So that we confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.'" Hebrews 13:6

I’ve noticed that expressing doubt and fear seems to be in vogue these days. The freedom to admit doubt and fear is refreshing to those of us who received little grace growing up, tethered to expectations of perfection given to us by others but never Christ. Doubt and fear are no virtues, though, and our visitation of these seasons should occur under the wider arc of the confidence which is the express gift to the Christian. Let us take care not to glorify a pit-stop. If we park there, we sell short ourselves and the God who came to save us from both doubt and fear for all eternity.

“I have come that they may have life and have it more abundantly.”