definitely not anemic

I asked God to give me more writing experience. This was prompted by revisiting the site about OM ships which sail around the world for 2 years, something I've known about for years and wanted to do. They had an opening for a journalist, but it required experience.

So the irony of it all is that I'm now writing an article for a local magazine. Don't laugh too hard, it's called Parents and Kids Magazine. :-]The irony goes even deeper, for I'm writing an article about heath! Me, the one who eats sausage practically every day, who abhors diets, hardly ever exercises, and believes that a little dirt on your food strengthens your immune system ;-].

I've had to interview doctors and research and learned that I should go have a physical immediately, because I've not had one - ever. And I'm learning that sometimes, when God answers your prayers, it's not simply yes or no, sometimes, it's with a little twinkle, and a little chuckle. :-}

weak = strong

I've discovered something - that I'm terribly weak and afraid. More afraid than anything else. But I've discovered something even better - that my spirit is stronger than my flesh, because my Spirit is His.

I'm reminded of a song that goes - "My spirit is willing but the flesh is so weak" - that's not how it is - it should be "My flesh is so weak, but my Spirit is willing" cause that's what matters.

I'm not very good at not being afraid - the very thing God commands nearly ever servant in the Bible to be -unafraid. So the only way I could ever go, I could ever serve, I could ever be anything - is because of His Spirit.

It seems like - now He wants to test the lessons - or just show off His amazingness - cause He's sending me to a place I'm not very qualified to go. UKRAINE! An orphanage.

Deep breath - His Spirit is stronger than my flesh - oh! to live out that reality.

It's a weak long trip over Thanksgiving. If you'd like to support me with the funds - that would be great, just let me know. Or if you want to pray for me that would be AWESOME!

wilderness necessity

I have too many thoughts to make this deep. It's Friday and I'm exhausted from work. My thoughts are wasted wishing for the future and fearing that I will always be in this place. Had a good talk with Christina last night - about learning that I was weak in my insomnia - trusting that God is actually good - being afraid to give Him my life lest He turn around and say: stay in Mississippi forever, knowing in my head that I'm to do this for Him but not having any feelings to go along with it [because secretary work doesn't exactly evoke a sensation of working for God]. We laughed about the fact that - sometimes - I don't really care what the circumstances are, as long as I have a fine bag full of feelings to go along with it! :-] I'm so emotional and we all know that reality is not defined by feelings: so we had to make fun of my natural tendencies in that.

Sometimes - the thing of beauty is in doing what you know you're supposed to - even if there's no feeling there. I read a blog recently where a girl said: "I don't want the easy life, I don't want the 8-5." I used to think that too, but let me tell you girl, the 8-5 is not the easy life, if anything, it's the harder life.

Perhaps one day in the future, I'll be running around the world doing ministry and I'll look back and understand all the depth of growth that this time was meant for - then I'll run across someone in the same place struggling with restlessness and I'll be able to relate. In that understanding I can know and encourage them that such a time is necessary, and that what God had planned - could never have been without the wilderness training first.

Okay - perhaps this was deep afterall. :-} never settle

Drifting toward holiness

"People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated."

~ D.A. Carson, Christianity Today 7-31-2000

Only God gives rest

What are your thoughts about this place? Too dark? Too busy? I began it along time ago and it sat on the sidelines, now it's turn has come to take the place of what used to be.

What do you do you when the fan hits the ceiling? Do you duck, scream, or hide? Can you possibly be prepared to stand and respond? If the fans in my life at this moment: work, rent, friendships, church, quiet time are enough to cause me to duck, what if the end times come, what if I become a missionary, what if things get worse?

The point is, Christ died, and the veil was torn in two from top to bottom. God said - no way will my creation be kept from me anymore. But we don't even notice; we're busy ducking the wrong things.