I have too many thoughts to make this deep. It's Friday and I'm exhausted from work. My thoughts are wasted wishing for the future and fearing that I will always be in this place. Had a good talk with Christina last night - about learning that I was weak in my insomnia - trusting that God is actually good - being afraid to give Him my life lest He turn around and say: stay in Mississippi forever, knowing in my head that I'm to do this for Him but not having any feelings to go along with it [because secretary work doesn't exactly evoke a sensation of working for God]. We laughed about the fact that - sometimes - I don't really care what the circumstances are, as long as I have a fine bag full of feelings to go along with it! :-] I'm so emotional and we all know that reality is not defined by feelings: so we had to make fun of my natural tendencies in that.
Sometimes - the thing of beauty is in doing what you know you're supposed to - even if there's no feeling there. I read a blog recently where a girl said: "I don't want the easy life, I don't want the 8-5." I used to think that too, but let me tell you girl, the 8-5 is not the easy life, if anything, it's the harder life.
Perhaps one day in the future, I'll be running around the world doing ministry and I'll look back and understand all the depth of growth that this time was meant for - then I'll run across someone in the same place struggling with restlessness and I'll be able to relate. In that understanding I can know and encourage them that such a time is necessary, and that what God had planned - could never have been without the wilderness training first.
Okay - perhaps this was deep afterall. :-} never settle
1 comment:
Be weak, lady-friend. The Lord knows your times. He's exalted by sighs of disbelief and struggle as well as by sighs of relief and contentment.
Be weak.
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