No Fluff Friday

Once upon a time, nine years ago, I was sitting by a statue at my university. It was dark and I had been crying for hours. Years of having my little girl heart battered resulted in thick heavy walls and God was breaking them down. Could I step into the vulnerable light of exposure and open the door to Christ? It seemed awfully risky. What would happen to my heart if I let Him in? Could I really trust Him if I gave Him my life? It was a daring, crazy, leap off of a terrifying cliff; I could not have taken it without the gift of faith - for why should I think that God would treat my heart differently than everybody else had? If God rejected me then it would the last straw, I would be destroyed.

You know, if you know Him, exactly what He did. :-)

Here I find myself, nine years later, with the same leap and the same risk only vastly different. The walls were rebuilt, slowly over time, to protect my frail heart from pain and puncture. But love snuck in and tore them all down. Suddenly, I realize that despite my best efforts, I'm now vulnerable, open, and raw, if you will. Instead of standing on the edge, I'm already falling. I suddenly fumble, realizing it's gone and I'm not going to get it back. I love and I cannot stop. So instead, I wait with batted-breath to see what will happen to my heart. God's faithfulness is constant and His mercy is new every morning - but I've reverted back to anticipating the pain. Oh, how easily I have forgotten what God does with the heart! How He holds it and heals it, how He tenderly caresses it, how He purifies it and stitches up the wounds which at first may hurt but then at last are gone.

You cannot love with walls. Love is an open door. I think about the weightiness, the blissful joyful burden of loving and wonder how God can bear it for the whole world. I look at the cross and see the grotesqueness of love - it's not as pretty as the world pretends. I see the result of Christ's love for the Father and the Father's love for us. There's an inescapable vulnerability. Love isn't easy and love isn't free. Yet, the worth of it pales in comparison to it's cost.

Romans 5:1-7 "Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly."