Why

My neighbor, a young lady with a serious boyfriend, recently asked me some relationship advice. She said she admired my marriage to Matt. In thinking on it for a heartbeat, I told her I couldn't really take credit for my marriage; that it was good but not because of anything I did. She looked confused. I told her it was all Matt.

But we know that a good marriage can't happen if it's all one-sided, right? So, in the sing-song words of Maria to Captain Von Trapp, I must have done something good. I grow more and more convinced that isn't true. I didn't find the magic formula or become the perfect person. Yet, my marriage is rather amazing.

This is what I AM convinced of: that my marriage is a gift I receive and not something I create with my own hands. Not that I'm avoiding responsibility. But God does everything good in my marriage, whether it's through me or despite me.

I'm prone to asking 'why' in life. Why do I have this gift when others do not?

The truth is God gives each of us our fair share of gifts and heartaches. I don't know why some have the gift of a great marriage and others have the heartache of a bad one. I don't know why some have the gift of good parents and others have the heartache of messed up parents. I don't know why some have the gift of health and others have the heartache of illness. I don't know why some have the gift of financial security and some have the heartache of constant struggle. I don't know why some have the gift of faith and some have the heartache of continual doubt. I don't know why some have the gift of acceptance and others the heartache of rejection. I don't know why some have the gift of children and others the heartache of barrenness. 

I'm not holier or smarter or better because I have a great marriage.  And you're not more sinful because your heartbreak was in marriage. Many who long for my gift have a gift of their own that I long for with equal fervor. My neighbor lives with her parents: sweet, emotionally stable and engaging, functional, responsible people with boundaries. But instead of paining me to see, I simply understand my gifts and heartaches are divided out differently. We are not the same and yet we feel the same things as all humans do. God is drawing both of us closer to Him accordingly. And this is the answer why.