I'm terribly behind on my letter-writing. My sister is leaving for a mission trip to Jamaica tomorrow. Last Saturday, I sat down and played the guitar with Jason Martin for two hours. It was wonderful. I was asked to write some devotionals and in the process my writing is getting stretched. This is an awesome thing but it also means walking down some paths of memory that are difficult to navigate. My mind has been full, making sure that I honor what has happened and that what I write is a true representation. I'm struggling and I realize that I have alot to learn.

Despite the fact that the day-to-day often beats my passions into a stump of numbness, I'm hanging on. This week is missions emphasis week at DTS and through the chapel messages, the program my sister's Jamaica team practiced last night, and the devotionals I've been crafting, I keep coming across the message that I'm holding on to some things I should be letting go of; that I've built up some walls that need to be torn down; that there's still healing which has to take place.

I get tired of having to heal so it's hard to admit that maybe I still need grace in areas that I've needed grace in for a long time. Perhaps, I'll never stop needing grace in those areas. I get this idea that with enough time and enough pinnacle moments I'll be fine. But I won't be fine, not until I die and perhaps I've been the one placing the pressure on myself all this time.

The chapel speakier said, ' trust God - let Him make you into all that He wants you to be.' I often tell Him He can have me, as I am, but then when He starts working on me, I'm like - no, sorry, you can't actually work on me, you can only just have me, like this. Well, He doesn't want to leave me here, He can't. He has an amazing purpose to fulfill through me.

So, that's a little bit of news from my word. I know it's not so eloquent. Take care my friends and never settle.