Where do I begin? I learn when I least expect to and in ways that I would not have chosen. In humility, I return from a camping trip where I was both the worst version of myself and not myself at all. What I mean by that is, I was both terrible and misunderstood.

I've digressed since college. I become aware of this each day that passes. Five straight years of fellowship with Christians who unconditionally loved me taught me how to trust people. Towards the end of my LU days, I believed the best of people, expected their acceptance, and trusted without thought. Though the last year in Mississippi was filled with the same unconditionally love, the time beyond graduation has mainly pulverized me. My heart is battered. I've returned, in more ways than I cared to admit, to what I was before LU, before Christ, aware and waiting for each disapproval, hesitant to be vulnerable, braced for the pain, trusting no one, and trying to earn love by controlling circumstances to meet the expectation of others.

So was I ever that Sarah? The one who was brave enough to give when it wasn't safe, strong enough to love when everything was on the line, and secure enough in Christ to lose her life? Snippets of the old creation creep around inside and I think that's what Paul is addressing in Romans 12 and 13.

I'm not worried. [That sounds strange even to me] But I'm not worried because I know that I'm new. I know that Christ began a work in me and He will complete it. I know that He can teach me again the things I used to know.

Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statutes!
Then I shall not be put to shame, having my eyes fixed on all your commandments.
I will praise you with an upright heart, when I learn your righteous rules.
I will keep your statutes; do not utterly forsake me!
Psalm 119:7-8